Thursday, March 06, 2008

Space

Diane and I went to a concert in town last Friday night. Tracy Grammer, a great folk singer, played her Martin D-28 and sang two hours plus of soulful and personal songs. During her performance she referred to her former singing partner Dave Carter a lot. They were becoming the new faces of modern folk music when Dave died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 49 in 2002. He died in her arms in a Massachusetts hotel following a run. She is still coming to terms with the space of time and loss since his death. The concept of "space" is so vague until it affects your daily life. Instantly Carlos Castenada's philosophical perceptions of space between tree leaves become much more intimate. Space, for Tracy Grammer, is the perpetual absence of closeness of someone gone, so dear and important in her life. That void is immeasurable. My issue of space is on a quieter and less traumatic level. For several days now I have been in a vacuum between recent and upcoming activities. In short, not much to do. That space used to be nerve wracking. One of my fears of retirement is that I'd be bored and at a loss without work. I have not felt that way (yet) and have accepted stillness and temporary inactivity as one of the ebbs and flows of life in my post-career life. It took me two days to realize that and the reason I hadn't written on this blog was I was in that "space," the invisible elephant in the middle of the room. The part of "space" that drives me a little nuts is that I don't have to do anything about it. Restlessness is a way of telling me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and if I don't like it, then do something about it...when I'm ready. In the meantime I think about the things that are in my space (having nothing to do with the mega-internet site): Allison's high school graduation and my knee surgery in June, daylight savings time beginning this weekend, a trip to Sacramento in a couple of weeks and cycling in warmer weather, a home remodeling project. These are easy days and my superficial discontent is not in the same league as life changing events that I know will come. That is the space I will not understand until the day it happens. My favorite quote comes to mind: "The years teach what the days can never know."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

love the quote...fits well with the mountain photo, which lives in centuries
-robkerr

javageno said...

Very eloquently stated, Jay.

Not to fret, that empty "space" will be quickly filled after you buy the new RV. Especially the one, next to your house.

Your eloquence matches up well with your gorgeous pics.